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Conquering Online Dating Pitfalls: Three Essential Success Strategies

2. March 2010 by Admin 0 Comments

There is a saying which states, “If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always gotten.”  This is especially true in online dating.  So if your online dating strategy keeps serving up duds, perhaps it’s time to take a look at your game plan.


Expand on Your Dream Girl.  Take a good, long look at your “perfect mate” criteria.  Many of us have a mental image of what our perfect spouse looks like and believes in.  Perhaps she’s between the ages of 25 and 30, 5’7”, 110 lbs, has blue eyes and blonde hair, has no kids and has never married, has no bad habits and loves bowling?  As you might imagine, a set of criteria this strict will return very few matches.  You might say “Yes, but that’s my dream girl!”  Suppose however that the perfect woman for you possesses all those traits AND even loves the same movies as you…but she’s 31.  What difference does a year really make when it comes to love?  Or a few pounds, more or less?  Sometimes, the right person is waiting for us in places we’d never expect.  If your search keeps turning out the wrong women, try opening up your criteria a bit to see who’s been excluded from your previous searches.


Let the Relationship Blossom.  So now that you’ve found the perfect woman and you’re on a first name basis, it’s time to pick out the china and send out wedding invitations, right?  Wait now, what’s your rush?  Maybe we’ve all been spoiled by the immediacy of 24 hour news stations, high speed internet and cell phones, but it seems like we’ve grown to expect romance to flourish overnight.  Love, friendship and commitment take time.  Especially when your sweetheart lives in another country and you’ve only corresponded online, it’s probably best to take a slower pace in developing your relationship.  Get to know one another, cultivate a strong friendship before you start picking names for your future kids.  Even if it only takes you a couple of email exchanges to convince you that she’s the one, she may need more time.  Worse yet, rushing the relationship may put unwelcome pressure on her and push her away, maybe even scare her.  We all have a pace that we’re comfortable with and the worst thing you can do to encourage love is rush it towards the altar.


Finding Mrs. Right Takes Time.  Remember that no matter how beautiful, talented or charismatic the Russian or Ukrainian lady of your dreams is, she’s still a human being.  Everyone has flaws, bad habits and makes mistakes.  If it’s a minor offense, say she forgot your dog’s name or didn’t email you back the same day, it’s best to let it slide and forgive her.  If it’s something major that makes you incompatible, perhaps she says rude things about your friends and beliefs, then it’s likely time you moved on and found someone else.  There’s no reason to get heated or lose hope over it, just wish her the best of luck and try again.  If we all met Mrs. Right on the first shot, we’d be married before our first year of college.  Instead, we meet new people, make new friends, and hopefully, in the process, we learn something new about ourselves and what kind of person is right for us.