Home » Tips and Advice

Why Are You Single? Desperately Seeking Soulmate

4. March 2010 by Admin 0 Comments

You are in your early 40s. You are in shape and well-educated. You have a good job and a nice house. You shower on a regular basis and even have a dog. You have been going to bars, hitting on co-workers and nothing… You are still single!

Many men find themselves in this position (which is why you are on our site, of course) not knowing or understanding how they go to be "this age" and still be single. We all dream of growing old with the person who completes us, but often times careers, ambition and fear prevent us from getting there.

Before you drive yourself crazy trying to figure out why you haven’t found someone, try to analyze your past dating experiences (objectively) and see if you can find some patterns or common reasons why they didn’t work. A recurring one is the never-ending quest to find your “soulmate”.

The truth is that single men in their 30s and 40s have dated a lot, but feel that they have not been able to find “the one” yet. This pressure to find the perfect piece to plug the hole in your heart can drive you crazy with insecurity and overload you with indecision. Hollywood has made it seem that EVERYONE will find this soulmate and that you shouldn’t settle down until you do. I don’t think this is healthy and you shouldn’t fixate on it. Finding a soulmate is a lot simpler and all it takes is communication and some luck. Luckily, we can help you with both.

Experts say that there are two criteria for a soulmate: 1) they need to make your happiness as important as theirs and 2) they have to have the same outlook and attitude about life and the World. You have to be selfless, as a working relationship is an exercise in constant compromise and altruism. Also, you have to agree on things like religion, financials, decision-making, sexual attitude and food preferences. If you can’t get through the everyday things, how can you make it in the long haul? You can’t recognize a soulmate by looking at her. You have to dig past the veneer of first impressions.

Everything else you have in common is gravy.

When talking to a lady you are interested in, ask her probing questions about her personal attitude towards the important things in your life, but also be ready to partake in things that are important to her. Relationships need both people in them to be involved and happy, otherwise, you’ll be back at square one, wondering what went wrong.